I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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