apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
