We won't sleep together?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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