I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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