you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
