sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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