Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
