what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
