Where is the hickey?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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