i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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