we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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