An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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