just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
