I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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