That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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