But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
