Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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