i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
