You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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