I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
