You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
