Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize