As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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