dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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