I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
