In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
