i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
