I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
