just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
