you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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