I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
