Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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