he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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