I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
