Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
