you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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