tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
