some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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