I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
