She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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