i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
