oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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