he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
