I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
