don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
