I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize