I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
