Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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