Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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