just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
