She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
