Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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