I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
