Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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