I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
