Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
