well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
