Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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