he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
