So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
