we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
