How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
