im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
