Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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