Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
