Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
