I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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