I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
