somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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