I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
